Souhaiter
by Trella
Summary: What if Buffy had blown out the candle at the end of Surprise?


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**Distribution:** Anywhere – I'll say yes, just ask first.

**Disclaimer:** Surprise – the BtVS world doesn't belong to me! Or else Riley probably never would have existed, the middle of season 6 would have been actual writing instead of just soft-core porn, and the series would have gone on forever and ever and ever. And Angel sure as _hell_ wouldn't have ended where it did. Erm…the point is, it belongs to Joss Whedon and the (sometimes) geniuses at Mutant Enemy. Ave Joss, the bastard.

**Summary:** What if Buffy _had_ made a wish at the end of Innocence? Basically an AU based on the end of that (wrenching, evil, Joss-the-rat-bastard) episode.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Classification:** Angst

* * *

She walked into the house with her hair and clothes still slightly damp, but just barely so that she could walk up to her room without any confused looks from her mother. Even so, she desperately hoped she could at least change before having to talk to her mom. Or look at her. Or be with another human being ever again. Er…the doorknob probably wasn't supposed to smoosh like that. But she really could care less; all she wanted was to change into anything other than what she had on and to spend even just ten minutes with the only person in her world who hadn't yet been attacked by her ex-boyfriend, the most evil vampire _ever_.

She really, really hated her life sometimes. Right now, that was all the time.

Putting on more comfortable clothing, she went back downstairs, carefully avoiding any and all reflective anythings. She didn't think she could deal with self-introspection crap right now, even if it was just to look at her hair.

"Buffy? When did you get in?"

Mom. Right. Coming out of the kitchen all happy. Good to know at least someone isn't worried about death or destruction or soulless angels or…

"Buffy?"

"Um, just now."

"You were so quiet, I didn't even hear the door. Well, I have your birthday treat all ready. I rented some old black and whites, I figured we could eat abnormal amounts of sugar and mock their funny speaking habits. You know, dorky mother-daughter stuff."

She tried to smile at her peaceful mother…it was so strange. But it seemed to work.

"Alright, I'll just be ten more minutes. You can start the movie, I promise not to ask too many questions when I come back."

"Okay."

She went into the living room and carefully drew the curtains shut.

She didn't notice the dark figure standing behind the tree, making its way toward the large glass window. She didn't notice that the left window was just barely open, either.

Everything felt so strange…like it was the end of the world and she couldn't do anything about it. Shaking her head, she looked through the tapes and popped Stowaway into the VCR. It hadn't been fully rewound, but she didn't really care…anything to distract her was fine. There was some meaningless action and then a couple dancing, singing "Goodnight, My Love," and it was all she could do not to die right there. It wasn't fair.

Thank whoever listened that her mother came in right then…another second and she might have suffocated from the pressing in her chest. The lyrics weren't helping.

There were cupcakes and a candle and a mug…it would almost have passed as normal, if she weren't Buffy Summers. It was all she could do not to cry out.

"Did I miss anything?"

"Um…just some singing and some running around."

"I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you a real cake."

Finding a matchbook, her mother went to light the single candle in one of the cupcakes. Alone, solitary and about to burn…right. Enough with the metaphors and the thinking.

"No. This is good."

"But we're still going shopping on Saturday. So what did you do for your birthday? Did you have fun?"

There was not a single way she could actually answer that question.

"I got older."

Way more than I would have thought.

Her mother smiled in that "oh, my silly teenaged daughter" kind of way. Only there was a hint of concern there too, which it was so not the time for right now.

"You look the same to me."

She lit the candle.

"Happy birthday. I don't have to sing, do I?"

She had a mock-horrified look on her face. If only she knew how lucky the mock part was…

"No."

Focus. Stop obsessing. What happened, happened, and there isn't a single freaking way you can change that. Not now, anyway. Just don't think about it…look past the pain, find the anger. At least then there's killing with pointy sticks to be had…this, she had to get over. Really quickly.

God, she sounded almost like Cordelia.

But it felt good. The anger thing kind of worked. Angelus was just a soulless, evil, worthless…_thing_, and she could just focus on that. It had taken over her boyfriend's body and was horrible and sadistic and psychotic and needed to be put down like a dog. A rabid, evil, ugly dog. The stupid son of a…

"Well, go on, make a wish."

A wish? The only thing she wanted was right now completely impossible. Wishes were for people like the couples in musicals who could do whatever they wanted since their lives were fated to end perfectly and happily, anyway.

"I'll just let it burn."

She leaned over to rest on her mother's shoulder, turning away from her face. Even so, she could tell her mother had that concerned, puzzled look on her face again. And she really couldn't deal with "Are you alright?" because that _would_ finish her off.

She sat up suddenly.

"Actually, yeah, I have a wish."

_I wish I had never been called, I wish I hadn't ever met Angel …I wish I hadn't fallen in love with a vampire, that I had killed him when I had the chance…I wish I hadn't seized the damn moment… I wish he weren't a vampire, I wish the stupid gypsies hadn't put that damn loophole into their curse. I wish…_

"I wish there weren't such a thing as vengeance."

She blew out the candle at the exact moment there was a whisper outside of the window. But she heard nothing except for her own sigh.

Her mother looked at her oddly, but didn't comment on the peculiarity of the wish.

"You're not supposed to say it out loud, it won't come true now."

Oh, if only things were that simple.

"It's okay, I don't expect anything to change, anyway. Let's just watch this part and go to sleep, I'm kind of beat…"

Had either of them been alert to their surroundings, they would have heard the whisper outside in the darkness of the moonlight.

"Wish granted."

Which was immediately followed by a panicked, "Oh, shit."

* * *

A/N: My muse attacked me while I was rewatching this episode. There was thinking and an idea and it wasn't a pretty sight. Oh, if it wasn't clear, the person outside was Anyanka. Duh. 


End file.
